I am so cracked up from being sick that the world can't contain the crack

[brb_evil]

(It is the big ‘Martha is leaving’ scene at the end of Owen’s sadness episode. You know...that episode...where he’s sad. Now he’s a little less sad because he gets to displace Martha.)

Martha: Well, I've had great days at Torchwood....actually, I was just an angst receptacle for Owen. But some of it was pretty okay....okay forget that. UNIT is better. Bye, crazy maladjusted people.

Owen: Bye, angst receptacle.

Tosh: I....what was your name?

Ianto: Okay....you are going to get me the uniform, right? Because Jack’s been talking about th—

Gwen: Bye girl with whom Jack has a past but I’m dealing with in a Rose/Sarah-Jane fashion.

Jack: Bye. (Martha suddenly realises the power of Torchwood and snogs him good)

Gwen: *is jealous*

Jack: *is cocky*

Martha: Wait a second....I can snog you with the power of Torchwood? That...wow. What do you guys DO here?

Jack: Well, there was this alien that fed off sex once—

Ianto: I shag Jack. A lot. In various positions.  All the...oh wait, I’ve already told you this.

Tosh: Yeah, I’ve had...what, six relationships? Six? Seven? I dunno.

Owen: *is silent because Torchwood really kind of sucks for him*

Gwen: Oh, yes, and next episode I’m going to be impregnated by some sort of alien. On my wedding.

Martha: ...Right, all of you, wait here. I’m going to call the Doctor and DRAG him here if I have to. Jack, d’you think you can organise some sort of sexy virus to get into his head?

Jack: Worth a try.

Martha: Thanks a million.

Jack: Hey, why do you think I invited you back in the first place? I’ve been saving that sexy virus for MONTHS and you’ve got the Doctor’s phone number. I expect a cut in on that orgy, though.

Martha: Right ON!

(Jack and Martha skip off gleefully as everyone stands around, a little poleaxed)

Gwen: Er...I’d better go. Got alterations on that wedding dress to make for my massive Alien stomach. And I have to reorganise the centerpieces around the colour red.

Ianto: I...need to go ask Jack some very searching questions. Maybe with the addition of my puppydog eyes.

Tosh: Um....so.....Owen....I hear that necrophilia—oh damn.

Owen: Oh fuck it. I’ve got bottles of plasma going spare and I could really do with some sort of shag. Let’s get creative.

(They leave. Everyone is probably happy.)

LOLOLOLOL THE MOOD ICON DOCTOR IS SYNCHRONISED TO THE MUSIC. DANCE, DOCTOR, DANCE! OMG, literally can't stop watching...