That rejection has stuck with me ever since, making me afraid of the roleplay. I hate being told my writing isn't good enough. I mean, I don't mind editing but something about this really...hurts. And I have no doubt that my writing WASN'T good enough. It still stung.
Anyway, I've applied again, this time as the Master. Back when I applied the first time, I knew nearly nothing about the Master. Now I've been writing and roleplaying him for a year. Will this mean I'm good enough? Well, I don't know. I'm waiting on a bloody response. I did only post yesterday but still. MENTAL. I just want to KNOW really. I mean, I've always got the 50's AU to comfort me if I don't get in but this feels like me facing my fears or something.
I'm worried I didn't say enough and my post was too short. I'm worried that I don't actually understand the Master's character. I'm worried that they hate my writing style on principle. I'm worried that even if I DO get in I won't understand how to do anything, I'll get completely overwhelmed and I'll get voted out or something. How does one plot? Do I know how to do that? Holy crap, you guys!
The sooner I know I'm not in it, the sooner I can move on.
LOW EXPECTATIONS MEAN LESS
So...yesterday, I saw Neil Gaiman. He was in Toronto for Luminato and he was going to read stuff. And also sign. So I got Neverwhere all ready and then Sharmy texted me, saying that he was only going to sign one thing each and she needed me to get a book signed for her friend that got us the tickets. So I went over all heartbroken and a little sulky and went, "Well, I guess I'll take the book out of my bag."
But my dad said, "No! Get both of them signed! Speak your case and surely he'll do it!"
And I said, "Well....but if he did that for everybody....I mean there's no reason for him to....oh....no....er..."
"No!" said dad again. "Would Neil Gaiman's characters give up?! Wel...the guy from American Gods would probably rip his head off...so don't do that...but that little girl in that book..."
"Yes! Her! Would SHE give up on getting a signature?"
"Right! I expect you to come back with two signatures!"
So I kept the book in my bag and the next day I met Sharmy at Union after being a bit late because I'd actually spent time going, "Hmm, I should wear Doctor Who pins because I know he watches Doctor Who and maybe if I could find a decent Master one because I know he likes John Simm but oh dear I have no good Master ones, really, I'll just wear the vintage 4th Doctor one and the one with Donna, Ten and the Master that I drew."
Sharmy'd brought not only a book her mum had bound as a present for him but had also illustrated the poem that we wrote him in April.
In April, someone played an April Fools Joke that was about, "Oh nose, some girl didn't find Neil Gaiman hot, she was clearly lying!" The article had a Neil Gaiman 'expert' who was coming out with a book that included, among other things, 'poems about Neil Gaiman's hair'. Sharmie and I thought this was hilarious and proceeded to write a poem about his hair. And then we sent it to him.
AND THEN HE RESPONDED:
that was hilarious! thank you for making me smile
( Lots more talking, cut to spare f-list )
(Link to Sharmy's probably more accurate version of events)
Edit: I've just realised how funny it is that my mood theme shows Nine enthusiastically hugging Captain Jack.